basta ganun.

DECIDED TO MOVE OUT. SEE YA'LL.

halo halo mga pinagsasabi ko dito. sorry naman. kelangan ko lang talaga ilabas.

i feel so tired. emotionally tired. ang dami na talagang nangyayari ngayon. di ko maexplain. tagal ko na sinusuot tong mask na to na may :D na face. nabubulok na muka ko sa loob. ngayon, madalas na ako nag-eemo. hindi yung stereotype na emo. nag-eemo as in nagiisip ng malalim...tas mageend up na umiiyak. napapagod na ako. gusto ko ng pahinga. hindi naman to physically. pwede naman idaan sa tulog ang pagod e. yung pagod na nararamdaman ko kakaiba e.

kelangan ko na talaga ng deeper relationship kay God. sa tingin ko nagbabackslide ako. ano ba yan. ako pa nagbabackslide. e ako nga inaasahan na maging role model.

nape-pressure na ako. summer na, di pa ako enrolled sa isang kolehiyo. halos lahat na ng kakilala ko enrolled na. ako na lang ata hindi. sa UP pa yung gusto kong course talaga. visual communication ng fine arts. e ang hirap nung test e. ang hirap talaga. tapos yung UST, pasado nga pre-commerce. e di naman ako interesado dun e. fall back lang. kumbaga, sapilitan kung mapasok ako dun. sa FEU naman, mas interesado ako. pero ayaw ng mga magulang ko. at yung isa na nagpapasaya sakin, akala ko kung dun man ako, magiging classmates ko pa friends ko. hindi pala. mahuhuli kasi ako mag enroll. tska full blooded UP talaga mga magulang ko. proud na proud. pressure.

hindi pala madali magkaroon ng isang relationship na seryoso. isa na to sa mga desisyon kong nagawa na masaya talaga ako. isa na to sa mga pinaghuhugutan ko ng lakas at kasiyahan. kahit alam kong bitter-sweet lang to, somehow naiisip kong ang perpekto na. di nga talaga madali. ang labo ng feeling minsan. minsan naiisip mong dagdag pressure lang. pero masaya e. pero mas nangingibabaw talaga ang kasiyahan mo sa kalagayan mo dun.

bakit ganun ang tao? pag may problema at nag share, pabigatan pa ang sinasabi. parang ganito..

qwerty: pare, grabe. blah blah blah.
yuipo: e hello. wala pa yan sa problema ko. ganito ganyan akin e.
asdf: ano ka ba. ang babaw ng mga problema niyo. ako nga blah blah e.

yung ganyan.

ano ba meron sa inyo? bakit nagpapa-awa pa kayo? bakit kayo pa-bigatan ng problema? bakit di niyo na lang tulungan yung isat isa na makaangat?

kahit anong sabihin niyo, mababaw man yan o malalim, na-apektuhan pa rin kayo. nasaktan pa din kayo. wag niyo nang timbangin pa. nangyari na e. wag na kayo magpatalbugan ng mga punch lines. ano ba talaga pakay niyo pag nagkkwento ng problema? mag labas ng emotion na kinikimkim mo sa sarili mo, o magpaawa sa kausap mo? umayos ka nga.

ang gulo ng post na to. sorry. gusto ko lang talaga mag vent out ngayon.

I swear, this is my problem.
I'm choosing between the future; attending art classes in UP starting Monday, which is from 9am to 12 noon in preparation for the bloody and risky talent test in order to TRY visual communications in Fine Arts as my course.

or the present; spending time with my beloved batch, some moving to another country, some I will not really see much of in college, and knowing what to do in the graduation. Graduation practices will be held from 730am to 12 noon starting Monday. We've only practice the songs. Not even tried to march yet. How the hell am I supposed to know what to do on the Graduation? How the hell.

Apparently, Im FORCED to attend that frrkkn art class and leave my friends and batchmates having fun with eachother in the last few hours being together as 4th Year High School Sections A and B.

And it makes me cry like hell.

Do you know how I'm feeling right now?
Do you hear me?
DO you understand me?
Probably not.
You don't even care.

Being so bored that I am, I decided to blog. My blog's rotten already. Yesterday, I read my posts for the past 2 years. I noticed, in the recent months, I only got to update once a month. There was even a month that I didn't get to post. At all. By doing this, I realized that when we're younger, we feel like we have all the time in the world. But as we get older, we have more loads to carry, more problems to think about, more work to finish, and more trials to face.

Speaking of trials, let's slap and clap for ourselves that we have endured another year of trials, misunderstandings, fuss, and controversies! Hahaha. It's Christmas time once again! And I hope i feel the Christmas spirit as holly jolly as before.

Okay, I'll be making a Wish Need List. :D [Notice, I used need instead of wish. x) Sharing!]

1. MOOLAH! $_$
- I need to save up! Plus, I wouldnt be able to buy myself my second wish need!
2. A digicam!
- Not lower than 6 megapixels, please. The one like Karen's camera would be nice. Oh, Cybershot T2 color white would be HOTTER.
3. Jeans.
- Skinny jeans, washed jeans, faded jeans, dark colored jeans, whatever! Just not ripped jeans.
4. Dresses :D
- Casual dresses, preferably.
5. HOOOOOOOOOOODIIIIIIIIEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!
- From Delias, Zara, U.O., Stoked, PRP, whatever! But not from RRJ, Hammerhead, BNY, BUM, and other chaka brands. =))
6. A planner.
- Please, please, please. I desperately need a planner. The 2008 Starbucks planner would be super nice. If not, basta a pretty pretty planner.
7. Pens.
- I just love em. :D
8. Born Lippy
- Cherry or Strawberry!
9. Discipline.
- Hayy. T_T
10. Better study habits
- 'Nuff said.
11. A perm or a relax! Oh, and a haircut.
- I want a new hairstyle. Im sick and tired of having my hair tied up.
12. MacBook!
- Psh. How I wish.
13. Trip to another country, or just a vacation.
- I haven't been doing this for a loooooong time. I miss spending time with my family.
14. A better Christmas experience
- Its not that I hate my past Christmas'. It's just that, I dont feel any excitement when it's Christmas eve. :( I miss the good ol' days.
15. Hapiness.
- True, honest, blissful hapiness.

So there, I listed 15 things I want/wish/need.

Merry Christmas to ya'll.
Hope you guys have a meaningful, blessed, and a good one.
Dont forget, its' about Jesus' birth. :)

...too late.

I've been singin that song in my head for the past hours. I love it.

So much has been happening.

Im too lazy to type.

Ciao.

Sabi nga naman ni Karen na magpost na ako. Heto na. Kaso di to masayang post. Maglalabas ako ng sama ng loob; uutot ako. Di, joke lang. Kita niyo, kahit may problema nagpapatawa pa 'ko. Kakaiba.

Hmm... Dati kasi si * nagkaron ng boyfriend. Catholic. Wala naman akong grudge sa mga Katoliko, pero kasi ang turo sa church namin ay dapat ang partner in life mo ay Born Again Christian din. totoo naman. kasi kung magkaiba nga kayo ng religion, may mga misunderstanding. anyway, pagkatapos ng ilang taon, nagbreak rin sila. nung sila pa, ayos kami nung lalaki. nung bandang huli, nagiging ayaw ko na siya. ang dami nilang away. totoo nga talaga ang 'away-bati' relationship. lagi sumisigaw si * sa telepono pag nagaaway. pag ka break nila, naging mejo bitter si *. mahigit kalahating taon sila nag hiwalay...at ngayon, bumabalik ang lalaki. si * ay nagkaron ng maraming dates, ewan ko kung ano nangyari. kwento siya ng kwento sakin, naging masaya talaga siya nung single siya. ayun nga...nagbabalik ang lalaki. last week lang nung nagkwentuhan kami ni * at sinasabi niya sakin na nagbabalik nga daw. sabi ko kung ano feeling niya, parang wala daw siya ginagawa. parang may kulang daw. iniisip niya daw kung sasalubungin niya ang nagbabalik na lalaki dahil catholic nga siya. agree ako dun. parang naisip ko, ito na siguro ang chance para naman christian na talaga ang maging karelasyon niya. kagabi lang rin nagusap ulit kami. ito pa rin ang sinasabi niya. sinabi pa nga niya sa lalaki na wag na daw sila magkita. mali daw. mas mahihirapan ang lalaki.

kanina lang ay nagpababa siya sa may lrt para makipagkita sa kaibigan niya.

pagkauwi...kasama niya ang lalaki. BWISET. ano ba?!?! akala ko ba hindi na!??!? mas nainis ako nang makita kong pasweet sweet nanaman sila. magkadikit, magkaakbay, magkahold ng hands, magkahug. sabi ko, * halika...dito. nagusap kami. ayoko na sabihin kung ano lang pinagusapan namin. mamaya maya, humiga na lang ako. kunwari matutulog...nagsasalita pa rin siya. siguro iniisip niya na nagtetengang kawali na lang ako para matapos na. ganun kasi siya, pag nagsimula, wala nang tigil. ayun nga, humiga na lang ako. nakapikit...pag labas niya...siguro 3 seconds after...tumulo na lang talaga luha ko. yung tipong wala akong tunog na umiiyak, tumutulo lang yung luha ko. drama no? naisip ko rin.

hindi ko na maintindihan nararamdaman ko. parang naiinis, nagagalit, nabbwiset, naguguluhan, EWAN.

bahala na.

Bulok na blog ko. Woo. I bought a diary, that's why. But I haven't been updating my diary too. I've been soooo busy. Sigh.

Things to do this october

October 8 Physics project. Aaah. The dreaded project will be finally over with! I've been working on it for so long, and I just cant wait to get it off my mind.

October 11! There's an exclamation point, see. It means something. It means its a happy day. Its the ANNUAL FAIR! Yayyyyy. Cheeeers! As usual, the Seniors will hold the Jail booth, and the Horror Booth. This time, I'm gonna scare those irritating children! >:) Just kidding. I hope this'll be a blast, since this is our last year in High School. Aww, High School. I dont wanna go to College. Hay.

October 12! Yet another day to be happy. No classes! It's the last day of Ramadan. And, I would like to greet all of the Muslim's in the world,uhh...HAPPY LAST DAY OF RAMADAN! Hahaha. Doesnt sound right, daheck. Hahaha

October 15! Yay, yay, yay! God has blessed me with a long weekend after I accomplish my Physics project! Oh yeah, I told my Mom about this, and guess what she said? "Oh! You have a long weekend. Study for your UST exam!" My my my. Which reminds me, the test is on OCTOBER 28 NA! And I havent even filled out the completely! I still have to get the course code whatsoever. Then, I have to get a photocopy of my birth certificate, and then submit it to the UST office. Aaaaaah! I have to submit the form this week!!!

October 16 Health project. Or is it PE? I dunno. I dont care either. Hahaha. Basta ipapasa ko lang kay Teacher Che. HAHA. I havent started working on it yet. I have the concept and the rules already, though. Its a game about the government. Hahaha. I'll prolly take pictures of it when it's finished. I just hope my "partner" helps me do it. Isnt that right Cholo? Yeah? Yeah. Good boy. Hahaha.

October 26! The much awaited Annual Fieldtrip! Its gonna be in Enchanted Kingdom again. Oh, and also GARDENIA BREAD FACTORY WHATEVER YOU CALL IT, AND THE NATIONAL MUSEUM. Wow, wow, wow. I'll be seeing bread. Bread. Bread. Psh.

October 28 Wawaweewa. A day after the fieldtrip will be the UST Exam! Noooo. Well, whatevs. Sabi naman nila madali lang daw. Kaya ko to. XD

October 29! Sembreak. Not-so-sembreak, actually. I'll be expecting lots and lots and lots of projects. Especially the BOOK REPORT. DAYUUUUM. I swear, I will not use a thick thick book for this! I will not use a book from my parents!

Well, well. So much to do this month. I dont know when to update this thing again. Blah.

Have to go! Cheers!

Friday night. Tonight, right this minute, right this second, I should be studying thee dreadful math. And the next day, which is tomorrow, I should be going to my niece's brithday and dedication. But I decided to stay home. You asking me why? WHY? Make a guess.

Heck.

Im staying home to study, FILIPINO and...drum roll please...MORE MATH! Oh yeah, we have loooooads of assignments and preegin quizzes. Agh. I feel like the world's falling on me! Why me?!

Anyhoo, this week was FUN! I love my friends, ooooh soooooo muuuuuuucho. We've been laughing all day. And seriously, if you just saw us, even when lining up, we're the NOISIEST AND LAUGHING OUT LOUD barkada you'll see. Grabe to the maaax. Haha.

I'm loving threadless, by the way.

Oh yeah, we've been violating the ruels lately!Hahaha! I've been bringing my phone, and we'd take pictures in the Comfort Room. Yeah, comfort room. Where we take comfort. Nyaa. Ha.Ha.Ha.Laugh.Out.Loud. :| :| :| Hahaha. Whenever I'd say "Lighting!Lighting!" They automatically know what I mean. It's like we all have only one brain.I SERIOUSLY LOVE YOU JES, KIT, PAT, TIN, YEL!

Hmm...I guess I got to go.. I dont think I'd be updating this much, anymore. Unlike Poala and Kurt. They eagerly update their blogs ever so often. Hahaha. Familiar? Yeah, I copied that girl from "Hey Arnold!"

This week's a fast one. Yet stressful too! I hate Physics. :|

Well atleast there's one thing to be happy about. LSC Refresher on Sunday! And no, it's not the "reviewing" part I like. My friends! :D

And thankyou Gloria Macapal Ang Muka,

--I mean, Macapagal Arroyo, for SONA! Even though your "projects" dont seem to be fulfilled, still there are no classes for that day. HAHAHA. ANG LABO NON AH. WALA NA KO MASULAT.

turrah!:D